Where has the time gone? It is hard to believe it has been almost a week since I last posted. I guess I must be suffering from writer's block or something.
Since I last posted I have still been reading "Ordering Your Private World" (not as often as I would like) and let me tell you what...if you haven't read it, it is one I would greatly recommend.
MAC had suggested this book to me long ago and as he put it, "it will kick you in the pants", and it has and I am thankful.
This book has allowed me to reflect on a time when I was completely broken and allowed me again to be so thankful for it. Without that brokenness, I cannot say that I would be where I am today. I would still probably be living life totally on my own strength, not giving God the glory for who He is.
I am a very outgoing, DRIVEN person. That is my personality and unfortunately at times, that is what I have stuck to...being DRIVEN, not being CALLED. There is nothing wrong with being driven, but there are times and opportunites when God calls us to do something and we are so busy doing the things we are DRIVEN to do that there is no time to live up to God's calling for our lives. And at times being driven costs us terribly...it robs us of peace, blessings etc., etc., etc., I can look back at so many times in my life when I have done stuff just to DO because of being driven. It robbed me of the blessing of truly enjoying what God had in store for me and left a feeling of emptiness inside, leaving me bruised and frustrated, not understanding why Iwas doing all of this and I still hadn't experienced that "fulfilled" feeling. Every been there? It is a miserable feeling!!
I am so thankful that God has been growing me and allowing me to realize what He has in store for me and has given me the strength to just take a breath, take some time to pray about whatever it is that I feel "called" to do, and to truly see if it is my drivenness or His calling for me. It has been a long process and one I am still working through, but with God's grace and forgiveness, I have climbed over that mountain of being a "people pleaser" and am climbing for the goal of being 100% obedient to God's calling for my life.
Just as John the Baptist stated, "He must increase, but I must decrease". A called person is a steward, knows who he is, and because he is purposeful, anticipates the day when it is time to step back and let go. In the book Gordon MacDonald says that no driven person could ever say what John said, because driven people have to keep gaining more and more attention, more and more power, more and more material assets. They have to hold on; and they cannot let go. Too much of themselves is wound up in what they are doing. OUCH! I truly remember a time when I was so "wound up" that my focus was totally not on God! Although I thought I was doing things to glorify God, the spotlight was on the flesh instead of the Spirit!
My prayer today is Father God that You would increase and that I would become less and that you would continue to humble me, allowing me to reject the flesh daily and to walk souly in the Spirit. That You would continue to convict me of those times I feel "driven" instead of called and to allow me to see Your calling for my life with new clarity each day. Thank you Father for your grace, forgiveness and your calling for my life, it is truly amazing and humbling to have the opportunity to serve You.
