Called or Driven???

Where has the time gone? It is hard to believe it has been almost a week since I last posted. I guess I must be suffering from writer's block or something.

Since I last posted I have still been reading "Ordering Your Private World" (not as often as I would like) and let me tell you what...if you haven't read it, it is one I would greatly recommend.

MAC had suggested this book to me long ago and as he put it, "it will kick you in the pants", and it has and I am thankful.

This book has allowed me to reflect on a time when I was completely broken and allowed me again to be so thankful for it. Without that brokenness, I cannot say that I would be where I am today. I would still probably be living life totally on my own strength, not giving God the glory for who He is.

I am a very outgoing, DRIVEN person. That is my personality and unfortunately at times, that is what I have stuck to...being DRIVEN, not being CALLED. There is nothing wrong with being driven, but there are times and opportunites when God calls us to do something and we are so busy doing the things we are DRIVEN to do that there is no time to live up to God's calling for our lives. And at times being driven costs us terribly...it robs us of peace, blessings etc., etc., etc., I can look back at so many times in my life when I have done stuff just to DO because of being driven. It robbed me of the blessing of truly enjoying what God had in store for me and left a feeling of emptiness inside, leaving me bruised and frustrated, not understanding why Iwas doing all of this and I still hadn't experienced that "fulfilled" feeling. Every been there? It is a miserable feeling!!

I am so thankful that God has been growing me and allowing me to realize what He has in store for me and has given me the strength to just take a breath, take some time to pray about whatever it is that I feel "called" to do, and to truly see if it is my drivenness or His calling for me. It has been a long process and one I am still working through, but with God's grace and forgiveness, I have climbed over that mountain of being a "people pleaser" and am climbing for the goal of being 100% obedient to God's calling for my life.

Just as John the Baptist stated, "He must increase, but I must decrease". A called person is a steward, knows who he is, and because he is purposeful, anticipates the day when it is time to step back and let go. In the book Gordon MacDonald says that no driven person could ever say what John said, because driven people have to keep gaining more and more attention, more and more power, more and more material assets. They have to hold on; and they cannot let go. Too much of themselves is wound up in what they are doing. OUCH! I truly remember a time when I was so "wound up" that my focus was totally not on God! Although I thought I was doing things to glorify God, the spotlight was on the flesh instead of the Spirit!



My prayer today is Father God that You would increase and that I would become less and that you would continue to humble me, allowing me to reject the flesh daily and to walk souly in the Spirit. That You would continue to convict me of those times I feel "driven" instead of called and to allow me to see Your calling for my life with new clarity each day. Thank you Father for your grace, forgiveness and your calling for my life, it is truly amazing and humbling to have the opportunity to serve You.

Can anyone say, "Amen"...

Yesterday and today have been full of the busy's! Nothing major, just lots of little things to get done. From taking my father-in-law for a routine test to grocery shopping to laundry, I could go on and on. But the highlight of my days lately are the times we spend in the car. I know that seems weird and it seems really weird to hear myself saying it because I used to hate the car, in Nursing School I pretty much lived in my car running here and there. But now, I enjoy it, sometimes it seems like its the only moment I have to sit down. Yesterday as we were driving from all our routes keeping the pavement hot (as if it's not hot enough right?) I decided I would have an "in the car revival", one my soul was yearning for, so I popped in the first session of my "Amazing Grace" Cd's from church and it was so incredibly refreshing!

The prayers and conversations the girl and I have in the car bless me abundantly and fills me with a reminder of how blessed I am. Yesterday as the girls and I were heading home from picking Hannah up from school my revival continued. At one point in the sermon Bryan said "Amen" and from the back seat of I heard the most precious little amen follow. Not that she knew what her little amen really meant, but it touched my heart to hear her. And it reminded me that children do listen and pick up on every little thing, even when we don't realize it.


Then as we continued on our way home there was a bus ahead of with a big truck between us, the truck was driving crazy, and at one point in the route the bus pulls over and allows the traffic to go by, so off goes this crazy truck, leaving me in his dust (literally) and Hannah says, "Man, mom that trucks got some horse power" and before I could wonder where she got that, she continued "But Dud (our quarter horse) has more power than that". She cracks me up!


Children are truly a gift from God, to lighten our hearts, keep us humble and to convict us of our actions!



My prayer today is that God would forgive me for the many times I have failed to be a shining example to my children. That He would continue to convict me of my shortcomings, remind me how blessed I truly am and fill me with the love and patience for my children that He has for me.

A new week, A new challenge...

This weekend's message from our Summer of Love series really spoke to my heart as the message dealt with forgiveness. Bryan's points really encouraged me so I wanted to post them as a reminder to myself as I look back over my blogs.

Forgiveness is not...

• conditional, that real forgivenesss is unconditional


• minimizing the seriousness of the offense


• resuming a relationship without changes


• forgetting what happened


• my right when I wasn't the one who was hurt

But Genuine forgiveness is...

• relinquishing my right to get even (Romans 12:19)


• responding to evil with good, (Luke 6:27-28)


• repeating that as long as necessary (Matt. 18:21-22) We have to chose to love until the pain stops. Because love is a CHOICE


• **remembering how much you've been forgiven (Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:32, Col. 2:13-14)**

How beautiful is the forgiveness of our Lord, that He would nail His son to the cross for each and everyone of our sins...past, present, future! Amazing!

Another challenge... I have began to read the book "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald. MAC continues to encourage me and equip me through resources that continue to convict, challenge and inspire me beyond belief! Thanks MAC for being such an encourager! Your friendship blesses me! So I began this morning with no electric and I have to say a lot of frustration (Sorry Greg) from the fact that I had so much to get done around the house (laundry, dishes etc, etc, etc) and no electricity to do them with (I was allowing the outer world affect my private world, which this book talks about) and I have to thank God for that blessing, because without electric I was allowed to sit down, reflect on God's Word and the notes from this weekend and to start reading this book. THANK YOU GOD! I am now on Chapter 3 and have already been able to reflect on past obstacles in my life that left me broken & bruised yet built my strength, humbled me and lead me to totally rely on God in my life and for the direction and path He has lead and is leading me on .

In Chapter one of this book Gordon quoted a paragraph from a book by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, wife of Charles, the famous aviator and let me tell you what, it was as if I were the one writing this, it is a longing I myself have and strive for. So here it is....

I want first of all...to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints - to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony. I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from the Phaedrus when he said, "May the outward and inward man be one." I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God."

I couldn't have said that better myself!

My prayer today is that I would allow God total reign in my private world, that I would love and forgive unconditionally and be at total peace with the woman God has made me to be. And that His grace would continue to strengthen me as I get intentional with "ordering my private world" so I am at total peace within and my outward and inward woman would be made one through Him!

One night down...

Well, it is Friday and I made it successfully through my night shift! Whew! I have to admit...I was sweating it! As the time drew closer to go to work and I still had not slept I began to rely on my strength & not the strength that God gives me, thinking how in the world am I going to make it for over 26 hours without sleep. (I mean, I am the type of person that 8 hours of sleep is about 4 hours shy of being a perfect night's rest!) I prayed tons on the way to work and when I started thinking of how WE (God & I) were going to get through the night I began to feel myself relaxing. As I got to work and all our rooms were full with two more babies on the way, I took a deep breath and thanked God for the busy night ahead that would allow my adrenaline to pump me through the night. It was definetly a very busy night, but I feel so humbled to have the opportunity help bring new lives into the world and witness the gift of life and live out part of God's calling for my life. What a blessing!! Thank you God for this awesome gift & calling on my life!
Ashtyn was amazing when I got home, she knew mommy had to sleep but with the compassionate heart that God gifted her she was prepared to take care of mommy! What a blessing in itself!
I thank God for my family, they support & encourage me so much in my walk with God, they're a blessing I will never be able to thank God for enough. To have two beautiful girls who love the idea of my job as a nurse just as much as I love my job, it's wonderful to see them mimic the care, love & compassion of Christ that He has called us all to have for one another. And to have an amazing husband, who despite his busy schedule, is willing to step up to the plate and be the most amazing husband and dad a family could ever ask for! I thank God for blessing me with the most amazing Ephesians husband this side of heaven!
My prayer today is that God would open the eyes of my heart and allow me to see the hurt of each person I come in contact with and to give me the strength to step out of my comfort zone and just walk across the room and to be a living, breathing example of the awesome God I love & serve.

Me...a closet blogger??

Wow! Who would have thought, me a blogger?? Not I, that's for sure, but thanks to some awesome friends and their encouragement, here I am, Lemon Princess free & clear! You might be thinking...Lemon Princess...where'd she get that? Well, that would be from my best friend in the whole world, my husband Greg. I'm really not like it sounds, it came from a game Greg & I once played with some friends where you were supposed to describe your spouse by a fruit you thinks describes them mixed with your nickname for them. As for why Greg chose Lemon you'll have to speak to him about that, but the princess part needs no explanation, right??
Today has been great so far, I started out at 5am trying to get my body ready for a nap because I start night shift in the OB department where I work, so I hit the treadmill jogging about 530am thinking it would work, but it is now 1241pm and I have been trying to "rest" since 1030 and no luck on the shut eye. But my tactics worked for Ashtyn who is fast asleep in my bed. As I watch her sleep I thank God for the journey He has place us on with her beautiful life, she is an inspiration to me and a reminder to never take life for granted and to live my life intentionally. His grace, love, strength & protection have brought us through so much, brings the hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus" to mind!! If only the world knew they have a friend like Him, I myself would be lost without Him! All those years I just walked through life searching for that "perfect" friend and He was there all the time just waiting for me to open my heart & wrap my arms around Him just as He is there doing every second of every day!!
Hannah's first day of 1st grade was today and she was so excited! As I heard footsteps while I was jogging I looked at my watch to find she was bright eyed and ready to go at 545am. Bless her precious heart, she blesses a mommy's soul! Being a mom to these two precious gifts from God is the best job a woman could ask for...RN part-time, mommy full-time...I have to say they don't compare. I love my job, as I get to witness the miracle of life God has given us, but being a mom rocks!!
My prayer today is that my life will be the salt & light of the earth that seasons and illuminates the world with God's love and that He would allow me to love & see each and every person the way He does! That He would use my hands and my life to heal & encourage the lives He places before me.